


Stories In My Flesh

by Sassystephy33



Category: Janoskians
Genre: Blood, Cutting, Depression, Gen, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 21:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5556596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassystephy33/pseuds/Sassystephy33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jai finds relief in a razor but what if one day Jai takes things too far?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stories In My Flesh

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Self Harm and Depression. Please do not continue reading if you are triggered by either one of these. If you do decide to continue I hope you enjoy <3

It started with a few loose threads, a couple of hate comments here and there. But suddenly it unraveled into something more. Like a snowball down a snowy hill, starting off small but gradually becoming bigger and bigger until it’s too late to stop. Jai didn’t mean for it to get this far, honestly. It was just his way of coping, but nobody ever said it was the best way to go about it. 

Jai sat on his bathroom floor, leaning against the dark oak wood cabinet on which a glass bowl sink sat upon. His phone laid in trembling hands as he sullenly scrolled thru the notifications on twitter. Disgusting and hurtful hate comments filled the screen. A sharp pain poked at his heart as he read what horrible things people had to say. His mood substantially dropping lower and lower with every word. 

What hurt the most was when “fans” compared him to his twin, Luke. Jai was always looming in Luke’s shadow ever since they were little. People always asking who’s better at soccer? Who is stronger? Who is smarter? Luke was always better than him at everything. But Jai could never blame his twin, it's not like Luke was asking for all the attention. Never the less it still hurt. 

Hot tears ran down his cheeks as he let out a shuddery, broken sigh. The comments became nastier as he scrolled down farther. Not being able to take anymore Jai dropped his phone on the hard cold tile not caring if the screen cracked or not. Jai was far beyond caring about such petty things. 

Jai brought his shaking hands to his creamy skin in a feeble attempt at drying the tears. He hauled his shuddering frame onto shaky legs. He grabbed the sink to balance himself. Jai stared at his reflection. He noticed how under his eyes laid dark circles from not sleeping at night. Tears cascaded down his eyes like a waterfall. 

“Fucking pathetic.” his voice was gravelly making him grab the edge of the sink till his knuckles turned white. Jai shook his head and moved away from the mirror. He dragged his feet to the door and swung it opened. The aussie made his way to his bed and lifted the right edge a little. Under the mattress laid his best friend. A single silver blade gleamed at him seemingly smiling welcomingly. He quickly grabbed it and made his way back to his bathroom. He slammed the door shut once more and locked it not caring if anyone heard.

Jai sat back down on the ground in his previous position. He turned the blade over a few times making him smile a little. Jai knows that this is bad but he couldn’t find the strength to care anymore.   
He grabbed the edge of his sweatshirt and tugged the black material up towards his elbow. Dozens of scars decorated his wrist and forearm some old some new. The brunette grabbed the shiny razor and placed along his wrist. He didn’t even flinch at the slight sting that came along when he dragged it across. Rich red blood bubbled to the surface of the wound. Jai stared blankly at the red line. He made another and the corner of his mouth curled up slightly at the pain that follow. The Aussie pulled up his other sleeve reveal another arm full of scars. 

“Worthless.” Another cut “Ugly.” another one “Stupid.” another “Fat, freak, messed up, pathetic, waste of space, good for nothing.” with each word another cut was added to the collection on both limbs. Jai didn’t feel the pain anymore, everything was dull and numb to him. “Better of dead.” The blade slashed along his wrist deeper than the others. The blood pooled out of the cuts and on to the once spotless white floor. 

"Shit." He quietly cursed under his breath, his mind becoming hazy. Jai didn't mean to go that deep. He tried to stand up but was becoming weaker at an alarming speed. His legs gave out from under him and made him fall to the ground knocking over a couple of shampoo bottles that sat on the counter. A thick fog crept over his mind due to the amount of blood he was losing. 

"Jai are you okay?" A voice shouted from outside the door slightly clearing his mind. The door handle shook wildly. Jai tried to move towards the door but his strength was quickly draining, his head was pounding which made him let out a loud groan. "Jai?! Jai?! Answer me please!" The voice sounded frantic and filled with worry. Jai couldn't place whose voice it belonged to. "I swear to go if you don't answer I am going to break the door down!" The door rumbled terribly, the hinges threatening to come loose at any given moment. 

Jai's vision became full of black dots and his head felt a thousand pounds heavier. The teen was quickly losing consciousness. But before he could fully black out the door busted open to reveal Luke looking completely worried. The last thing Jai saw was Luke putting his hand to his mouth and letting out a loud gasp before his vision went completely black and his whole body went limp. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luke knew something was wrong when he heard a loud slam of a door coming from upstairs. Jai was the only one upstairs which worried him more. He knew Jai for too long to know that his twin wouldn't slam the door for no reason. Luke hastily ran up the stairs taking two at a time. He ran to Jai’s room and knocked on the door when he got no response he pushed open the door and scanned the room. Not seeing his twin, the aussie cautiously walked over to the bathroom door. He heard a loud crash from the inside causing him to jump slightly in surprise.

“Jai are you okay?” his voice full of concern as he began to jingle the door handle. He heard a loud groan from the other side making him even more worried. “Jai?! Jai?! answer me please!” he called out loudly starting to shake the whole door in attempt to get in. “I swear to go if you don’t answer I am going to break the door down.” He threatened pushings at the doors frame. He took a step back and slammed his shoulder at the door. Another slam and the door flew open. 

Luke wished hadn’t saw what he did. He could never get the image of his twin leaning against the cabinet sink with his arms all bloody and cut, out of his mind. His hand flew in front of his mouth as he emitted a loud gasp. His mind was going a thousand miles per hour, all he could think was why? Luke had no idea how to react to this situation. So he did the only thing he could think of, he screamed. 

"BEAU! SKIP! JAMES! ANYONE! OH MY GOD!! HELP SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE! SOMEONE HELP" He screamed on the top of his lungs, and then some. Seconds later 3 pairs of feet were heard running up the stairs. Luke's breathing was becoming irregular and forced. Suddenly 3 bodies rushed thru the door almost knocking him over.   
Everyone stared in shock for a few seconds trying to process what they are seeing. James was the first one to react, he approached Jai and looked for a pulse. It was there but barely. He began to bark orders, "Skip call an ambulance. Beau and Luke grab me anything that will help stop the bleeding." Everyone was quick to obey. 

Skip ran out the room to call for help. Beau and Luke frantically searched for something to stop the flow of blood. Moments later the brothers hands were filled with towels. They hastily threw it to James who began to wrap them around Jai's arms.   
Reality set in and Luke started to ball his eyes out. His brother, his twin brother tried to kill himself and may have succeeded in doing so. The older twin's chest began to rise and fall quickly and unevenly. His mind was in a panic, thoughts were being jumbled together.

Beau noticed that his younger brother was having a panic attack and guided him out the room. As they passed the door Skip ran into the bathroom and began helping James. The two brothers made their way to the bed that sat just outside the bathroom door. They sat down and Beau wrapped his muscular arms around the crying boy. Luke turned his head into the crook his older brother's neck and clung to him for dear life. Sobs racked thru his body as he let out all his emotions. His whole frame shook violently as his sadness poured out of him. 

Beau’s heart broke into a thousand pieces as he watch Luke break down right in front of his eyes. He was devastated that he saw what Jai did but he needed to be strong for Luke’s sake. Beau knew how close the twins were, they had this weird bond that no one can explain not even the twins. They were always there for each other, Luke must have felt like he let Jai down. 

The eldest Brooks continued to comfort his brother. He rubbed soothing circles on his back attempting to calm the sobbing boy. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Beau with his arms wrapped protectively around Luke as he continued to sob sullenly.   
Suddenly Skip ran out the bathroom and out the room. A few moments later he bolted back thru the door with 2 men in uniforms on his trail. At this point Beau and managed to reduce Luke's sobs into silent tears. His breathing was evening out and his body didn’t shake as badly. Beau stood up and pulled Luke along with him. The younger male begrudgingly turned away from the comfort of his brother. 

Just as Luke turned away he saw the 2 men he saw before hurriedly carrying a now unconscious Jai out the room. This caused a few stray tears to glide down his cheeks but Luke roughly wiped them away with his sleeve. They follow James and Skip out who seem so calm regardless of the current situation. The ambulance rushed away in a stream of red, blue, and white lights. The remainder of the Janoskians piled into James car who so kindly volunteered to drive. Skip sat in the passenger seat which left Beau and Luke in the back. 

The drive was long and silent, the only noise that filled the car was the sound of the four teenagers breathing. The hospital soon came into view and everyone visible tensed. No one had any idea on Jai’s current situation. He could have died for all they know!   
This though wormed its way into Luke head and he started to hyperventilate. A soothing hand found its way onto his shoulder, he calmed slighting knowing his older brother was right next to him. “He’s fine Luke. Everythings gonna be fine. I promise.” Luke saw past his brothers facade of confidence but none the less it was still comforting. The sullen boy’s head nodded ever so slightly but it did not go unnoticed. 

The 4 teens walked into the hospital and went straight to the front desk. Beau being the eldest, stepped forward, “Hi I’m Beau Brooks and I was wondering if there is any information on a patient named Jai Brooks?” He politely inquired, offering the blonde receptionist a small smile. 

The woman looked up and smiled genuinely before glancing down and typing something down on the computer. Her silvery voice spoke clearly, “I am going to assume that you are his brother?” Getting a nod in response she continued, “Jaidon was just brought in over 10 minutes ago and he is now being stabilized. It says here that he cut a major artery in his wrist and he lost over 20% of his blood. He is still unconscious but the doctors will be allowing visitors in 20 minutes. You can just wait outside his room door.” She handed Beau a slip of paper and smiled once again before turning her attention back to the computer. 

The boys mumbled thanked her in unison and walked off towards the elevators. Beau glanced down at the paper which had Jai’s floor level and room number, it read Level 3 Room 143. When they got on the elevator Beau wrapped a strong arm around Luke. His younger brother turned to him and rested his head on his chest. 

Luke was still very upset but his older brother was making it slightly easier. The elevator dinged indicating that they were on the correct floor. James and Skip lead the way making Beau and Luke follow behind. After a few minutes the boys found room 143 and sat outside the door. Everyone sat in silence for what felt like hours, not knowing what to say. Luke practically sat on Beau’s lap while the older brooks ran fingers thru his slightly curly, fluffy hair. In was extremely comforting to him, Beau use to do this all the time when they were younger. But it still didn’t help that horrible feeling in his stomach. 

The guilt was starting to get to him which made him place his hand in his mouth and start to bite. It was an old habit, since he was little when ever he was nervous, upset, or distressed his hand always found its way to his mouth. Luke supposedly broke the habit about a year ago but that has been proven wrong. 

Beau noticed the hand and slapped it away, “I thought you broke that habit?” Luke just shrugged and played with his hands fighting the urge to continue chewing his hand. 

About a minute later a female doctor and 2 male nurse walked thru the door. The boys stood respectively and waiting for her to speak. Her voice was professional but friendly, “You must be the boys the receptionist told me about. Anyway Jaidon lost a lot of blood but we able to stitch up a few of his deeper cuts and patch up the rest. Physically he will be fine just a little weak but mentally there is no telling. He is mentally unstable and I highly reckon that he sees a therapist. Other than that you may see him, he will be awake in a few.” And with that she gracefully walked off with the 2 nurses on her trail. 

Everyone stood there for a few seconds, waiting for someone to make the first move. Luke not being able to take the waiting went to the door and opened it slowly. His heart broke at the sight of his brother. The older twin dragged his feet across the floor, nervousness flooded thru him. He made it to the bed gasped quietly. 

Jai laid in the bed pale as a ghost, if it wasn’t for the slight rise and fall of his chest you would have guessed he was dead. White gauze wrapped around both forearms and a needle was jabbed into his elbow crest. 

Luke took a deep breath and pulled a plastic chair next to the hospital bed. He grabbed Jai's cold limp hand and intertwined their fingers. The rest of the boys placed themselves on a couch that sat in front of a huge bay window. The room was full of suffocating silence, they wanted to speak but no one had any idea what to say. 

Luke was focused only on his twin. His whole other half was lying in a hospital because he tried to kill himself. This broke his heart that Jai didn't want to talk to anyone about what was bothering him.

Luke let out a shuddery sigh and sat up straight relieving the tension in his back. He glanced back down at the boy laying in the bed. His voice was hoarse as he spoke, “Jai. I need you to wake up. I’m sorry this is all my fault, I should have noticed but I didn't. I am the worst brother ever. Please Jai, I need you to wake up.” He lowered his head, closed his eyes and took a deep breath to refrain himself from breaking down crying again. 

“L-Luke?” A low and scratchy voice spoke quietly beneath him. Luke’s honey brown eyes popped open to be met with similar looking ones. 

“Jai! Oh my god you’re alive!” Luke cried out suddenly launching himself at Jai. He grabbed him and held as tight as possible, thinking if he let him go then he would be gone forever. “Please, please don’t ever do that ever again. Please Jai.” Luke pleaded with tears threatening to fall. 

“Luke.” Jai’s voice was weak, you can tell he was trying gather all the strength that he had. “Luke, I’m sorry but I’m not worth it.” He looked to the other boys, “Why did you guys have to save me? I’m sorry I’m such a burden.” Jai’s eyes began to water as he tried to push away from Luke’s embrace. This action just made Luke hold tighter. 

“Jai, don’t you ever say that about yourself.” Beau spoke up from his place on the couch. He got up and made his way to the twins. “Jai we love you! Everyone loves you! You are not and never will be a burden to anyone of us. I love you Jai.” Beau was now near the bed and joined in on the hug between Jai and Luke.

“Yeah don’t ever think that you are a burden. We love you Jai.” James stood up and Skip followed. The pair joined the dog pile of a hug with Jai at the bottom. 

“Uh guys kinda can’t breath here.” Jai spoke in a whisper trying to breath properly. The bunch quickly pushed off but Luke let go begrudgingly. Jai sat up in the bed but was winded from the amount of energy it took. 

“Careful Jai.” Luke warned as he helped him up a little more. Once Jai was settled everyone pulled a plastic chair near the bed. Jai looked down at his hands, getting nervous at the attention he was receiving. Luke looked at him seriously as he began, “Jai, we can’t ignore the elephant in room anymore. Why? Why did you do it?” 

Jai’s hands began to fidget his nerves going haywire, he knows he can’t keep this up anymore. He took a deep shaky breath and began, “It started a couple of weeks ago. I found relief in it, it was my way of coping. Most of the fan hate was directed to me and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I didn’t tell you guys cause I didn’t want to be a burden. I’m sorry you guys had to find out this way.” Jai felt tears begin to form and he let them fall. 

Luke was the first to react, “Jai, you have nothing to be sorry for. You are not a burden and next time please tell me or any of the boys next time. I would literally die if I ever lost you.” The older twin stood in his chair and sat down on Jai’s bed. Jai scooter over on the bed making room for his twin. Both brothers cuddle into each other's arms giving comfort to each other. 

The boys all smiled at the twin bonding moment, as they cried into each other's arms. Luke wiped away Jai’s tears as Jai wiped Luke’s tears. Jai whispered so quietly that the boys almost did not hear him, “I will get help. I will get better. I promise.”


End file.
